i love both you and the german language way too much
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Freitag, Dezember 24, 2004
also i have been suffering for my stupidity in the college procrastination department and will continue to suffer muchly. i really should try to learn my lesson, because this sucks and it is my own very stupid fault.
1:52 AM
haven't been writing here because life's beenabnormally overwhelmingly busy and frantic, but 'sbeen good. i just miss my friends a scheizload. think i may die if i don't see several of them soon. we were decorating the christmas tree tonight, which was good if minorly labor- and strife-intensive...we're calling this our 'conceptual' tree...it's like in separate levels, like a tower of hanoi, kind of...very weird and coolish. i thought i might grow to be annoyeed by it, but i've in fact been liking it more and more every day. actually when has something ever not grown on me with repeated exposure. neevvvvermiiiiind.
1:44 AM
Mittwoch, Dezember 15, 2004
guess what today is
--december 15
guess what got post-marked today
--none of my application materials
and the annoyingest part is that i totally didn't realize that today was 12/15 in the same part of my brain where i knew that 12/15 was THE DAY for a lot of things. i got overwhelmingly frustrated when i realized it, so i got off the ice, left mommy cry-y/bitchy messages (as her phone was turned off), and came home. in my car, i played several tracks of ramones music at ear-damaging volume with the bass turned all the way up and sreamed along, and then i felt all better. so now i just have to do the stuff, get it in the mail tomorrow, and hope no one penalizes me.
what a classic maggie (or classic ewing, perhaps) move.
i have this constant image in my mind of a skirt made of bandanas, and i want to make it...but it'd be for summer wear, not for now, and i really need to focus on reality and get christmas presents made and bought.
i'm thinking of knitting a scarf in segue for mrs. honeycutt, because i need to do something really nice for her and because that'd give me a chance to work with the segue, which is so unbearably gorgeous it nimmt mir den verstand. i want the pink and white colorway for myself soso badly, but that's not what i'd make her. man i want that ribbon. i'm sitting here salivating; it's ridiculous.
7:20 PM
i've been thinking i should do a compliment day or a thanks day or a telling people how i feel about them day or something, because there are a ton of people for whom I don't express my love and appreciation nearly enough, and i think a few of them might actually not even know/realize how much i appreciate them or how much they matter to me.
maybe it's vain to think that it'd be so exciting for other people to hear that they're important to my life, but i do/would like to hear it from other people, so it probably makes sense.
also, college.
also, the lower right side of my skull hurts and i can't decide if it's a jaw thing or an ear thing but ugh.
1:08 AM
Montag, Dezember 13, 2004
today was the day that several weird things happened.
it was also the last performance of the nutcracker for our grade's dancer-girls, which was quite quite poignant.
i wrote the letter to cynthia telling her i won't work for her after i come back from india, and i actually sent it. i have recently had the dido lyrics:
I always thought that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone and live more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
'Cause there's really nothing left here to stop me
In my profile, but now i replace them with tmbg:
Putting all reason aside, you exchange
What you've got for a thing that's hypnotic and strange
and i feel mightily good about this. yes, i know it's sad to narrate my life in terms of what i'm putting in my aim profile, but, at least today, i care not.
last physical anthropology starts in less than twelve hours. I'm sad, for I have enjoyed that class and this semester. I shall be glad for the class-free week before my finals, which are fortunately both on monday, though. then i shall be even gladder when the finals have been taken and are done.
2:06 AM
Mittwoch, Dezember 08, 2004
it's uncomfortably warm and i want to go to bed more than i want to go hunting for my comfiest summery pj options, so i am wearing soffees, and it's making me feel like it's freshman year again.
only i'm not skinny
and i'm not running
and i'm not obsessed with being the perfect high school student (except i totally am...but in a new way)
it's so easy to forget what it was like to be me even a few years ago, let alone as a child...every once in a while something triggers a memory not of something that happened to me, but of some mental process from the past, and i can feel that my mind has changed, but usually it feels like i'm a continuous person and have always, or at least for a long time, been as i am.
brian said something in his livejournal the other day that made me happy.
i need to get this college app stuff done and stop letting it rule my life, because it's been doing that long enough.
whenever anybody has asked me what i'm planning to do next semester, the answer i've given has been, 'fabulous things,' because that's what i really intended to do...i'm not sure how feasible that is anymore, but i need to decide SOON so i can sign up for classes and skating and scheiz if i'm taking another semester of overcommittedness (or even, if it's possible for me, a chill, regular, tied-to-westport existence), or tell cynthia i can't work for her anymore if i'm going to try to make the fabulous happen.
things i WILL do
india
disney world (yes.)
idaho
see priya in some fun way (unless this is over the summer, which it easily might be)
decide where and when to go to college (aaaaassuming i get in)
things i want to do
travel: germany, austria, italy, ireland, mexico
math: finish the multi curriculum and mess around with linear algebra and the cool parts of my discrete textbook that we never covered because fairfield math majors don't like math
night classes (adults are cooler) at fairfield--writing something or more poetry, probably
continue with german school?
italian with prof. eliasoph as tutor?
work at kc?
read! novels and books just for the fun of them
read! books about
education/schooling
linguistics
basques?
random periods of history that intrigue me, or history that i really should know but that chavez wouldn't teach me (love you chavez)
visit everyone i don't see enough (which is everyone i know, basically)
try to eliminate some of my more sever cultural illiteracies
be in the choir
take cello again???
skate regularly enough to get as many tests passed as possible before i leave
make more money than i make at the store by babysitting
volunteer at head start through fairfield
go to habitat all the time once i turn 18
RUN for goonness sake
support my track teams
memorize poetry (i really enjoy this, though i'm not sure why. that was a margaret kidder ewing thing)
knit
go hardcore camping (no wussy girl scout crap)
look at, volunteer at, or attend a local sudbury school (or this one in germany...but that's not a next-semester plan)
ride my bike more and enjoy it
hang out on the beach alone with my water bottle and willy faulks like i did last year
go to the early-morning sessions in shelton where i play whatever music i feel like and mess around with brackets and byron darden's special mohawk and other silliness if i feel like it and skate big and uninterupted and yay
hand dye cottons or tussah silk
have fun, particularly by seeing my friends
play ap assassination (whoever runs it'd better let me)
have time to be relaxed and to mantain human standards of cleanliness (not that it's all times' fault, but a little bit)
take some time to ponder and try to deal with/figure out some of the fun ethical questions and issues of faith that i've been to busy to pay attention to
maybe try to deal similarly with the other assorted things about myself and my life i put off trying to figure out
things i feel i SHOULD do
work at kc (ALL THE TIME)
prep for the german ap (standardized testing gives meaning to my life...?)
learn some physics
skate regularly enough to take as many tests as possible before leaving
take american government or otherwise bow to staples and it's potential diploma-granting desire (or even just continue asking about it. i'm not using it to get into college, really, and i just don't want to care anymore. mommy and daddy and several friend-types do not help)
take cello again
make money
stay around for the second-semester-senior-year good times we've been promised (and have promised ourselves and each other)
learn how to cook interesting vegan foods
okay man i can't believe i spent this much time talking aobut this...i just wanted to mention about the shorts and about the weird flashbacky feelings it was giving me, but whatever. obviously i can't do everything on those lists, because life doesn't work that way and i'm constantly demanding way too much of life (nice thing is i frequently get it :D but that's not the point). if anyone (who's actually reading this...i assume you skipped most of the lists) has any advice, i'd welcome it..how do people generally balance the really-shoulds and the feel-i-shoulds and the want-tos?
all i know is that at some point in my life (soon) i want to do those fabulous things, yes i do
and at some (other?) point in my life i want to have like three weeks in which i have NOTHING scheduled and if i felt like it, when i was coming home from stop and shop, i could drive to...oh wait i couldn't think of anywhere really far away i'd want to go. i could go to boston though. or like...chicago? i could drive to chicago. see that really nifty reflecting sculpture thing again. i'd just have to stop at a public library on the way to mapquest myself there...and have money...
...but boston i could totally do on the way home from stop and shop
sleep time. i haven't been doing that nearly enough.
11:48 PM
Samstag, Dezember 04, 2004
i was cleaning up today so people could come over to play taboo (which was fun. out of control and then taboo, with plenty of molestation and even a brief trip to stop and shop) and i found a six pack of empty beer bottles and i realized i didn't have a sibling responsibility to hide it from anybody and it was weird.
it's funny how some stuff never changes and other stuff does.
1:36 AM
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